um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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