pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
