You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Non-Jews are for practice
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
