Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize