I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
