I must be too annoying 4 u.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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