I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
