This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
