So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The air was thick with penises
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
