well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
