Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
...so i touched it.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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