fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
