how can u be prego again
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
