just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
