Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
