You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
