And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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