You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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