beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize