people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize