Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
no, he came in my armpit
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
