I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
