I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
