What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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