he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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