hell yes lets make some ravioli
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
