Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Is Oprah even human
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize