I wannas sexs uuuuu
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
