just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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