I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He better not be in your backpack
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
