Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
