Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
