Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
