I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
