That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
