I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
