The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
