New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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