You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
