It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
