WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
