i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
