through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
