Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You have to summon your inner elephant
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
