It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
