never play flip cup with pint glasses
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Alive.
So much puke
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
