Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
