I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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