I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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