I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
if only i could text you this smell
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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