this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize