i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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