How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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