I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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