I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
