Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
