i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
