we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
