i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
