My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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