No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
