i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize