I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
