It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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