I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
