His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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