wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
