worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
