Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
