Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I have surprise drugs for everyone
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize